I sit on a bench between two trees
I am the center most thought ,yet still forgotten
The boughs that cradle the sky above me
And below, the bench that holds this figure of sorrow
I sit on a bench between two trees
I am cold and I am alone
The icy wind crawls through my thin shirt
My heart gives into the sadness that's filling my mind
And I am no longer alone
The cold is now a comfort to me
A friend to console my weary person
I close my eyes and breath deeply
And let the cold consume me
Ok I know it doesn't rhyme or even have the same number of lines in each verse. I know I could make it a lot better if I worked on it. But I just can't stay in one place too long. I really was freezing to death, sitting on a bench, between two trees when I wrote it. I didn't even have a proper piece of paper.
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2 comments:
Honestly, poetry that ignores rhyme and meter is more impressive to me cause I can't write like that to save my life. I just finished an English class, and one of the girls in my group was a free-form poet... mad crazy stuff. It's cool that it still flows and reads well without using those things as crutches.
poetry does not have to rhyme nor does it have to have the same number of lines. those things- rhyme, meter, alliteration, metaphor, repetition, whatever- are only devices that you use only if they further the purpose of your poem. otherwise, forget them.
and as to improving things if you worked on them for longer, well maybe they would and maybe they wouldnt- but i dont like to dwell on one thing to long either, i find it most effective to bounce between works so that i dont get too bored of one but i still get some work in on them
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